Guys, add your suggestions and tips. Girls, hopefully this is useful :)
Again, when we've moved on to penetration, tell us what feels good for you. Am I going too fast? Too slow? Tell us!
Porn is fast food, you are fine dining. Fast food is 3x the fat, 4x the sodium and all of the filler you need to feel slightly uncomfortably full. It is no-nonsense, getting full, hopefully not feeling too guilty afterwards. When it comes time to eat and fast food is on the menu it really doesn't matter where you go so long as it is fast and they are calling it food. It's cheap, easy and forgettable.
When your boyfriend jerks off he has no goal beyond the physical sensation. He wants to get from here to there and then go on with his day. Generally speaking, he's looking to do this as fast as possible and he isn't dwelling on what got him there. He doesn't anticipate leading up to it and he doesn't dwell on it afterwards. The tits and ass (the sodium and fat) are exaggerated to get the job done.
Sex with the SO, and what it takes to make that hot, is nothing like jerking off and requires hardly anything the same. Sex is worth the anticipation, something to take your time with and something to recall fondly. It is healthy, balanced and full of subtlety, nuance, care and attention.
Just as food porn never includes sesame seed buns and nobody's mouth waters for deep fried potato, when your SO doesn't have his fap folder he isn't fondly recalling that one batch of photos he found last September, he's thinking of last Thursday with you and the way you just lifted your skirt and pulled down your panties rather than going all the way to the bedroom.
Don't be self conscious about your body. Sure you might think you have imperfections but the guy is usually too busy thinking 'OMG a naked lady!' If you are worrying too much about yourself you aren't going to be relaxed enough, thus making it harder for you to orgasm.
Kiss me. Lots. Sure men have the whole male bravado thing going on, but we like to be kissed as much as you.
If we are eating you out/fingering you be vocal. Let us know what feels good for you. This isn't the time for us to be mind readers. I would much prefer you to tell me to change something than you to pretend it's going marvellous. Remember, we want to satisfy you, help us out for your sake.
When you do come, don't be embarrassed if you are too loud or if you think you might sound weird. If you are thinking too much you will usually lose focus and might not climax. Also, the guy thinks you are hot no matter what you sound like.
Blowjobs are 85% enthusiasm.
No your bum doesn't look big.
Blowjobs. Treat our penises like you want us to treat you clit. Maxxters advice in the other thread was to stimulate all of it. Penises work much in the same way. Also, decide what you are going to do when/if we come. Don't stop just when it's getting good. How would you feel if you were on the brink of orgasm and we stopped to make out instead?
A lot of women tend to be self conscious when they are on top. They somehow think they aren't very good. If our penis is inside you it is generally good. If you don't know what to do think of our penis as a dildo. Your very own penis that you can do whatever you want with. You know your body better than anyone so you know what is going to hit the right spot.
A (good) BJ is more than just bobbing your head up and down. You need to actually SUCK. And use tongue. A lot of tongue.
The emotional aspect of sex is just as important for us as it is for you. We may have different specific approaches and needs, but the principle is the same. If the emotional side isn't fulfilled, it's not much fun.
Most of all, we tend to crave acceptance. Being actively wanted and liked and desired, not just tolerated. Yeah, some are into the whole conquest/domination angle, but think about it for a second: at the core of that lies the message that we are something to be avoided, resisted, escaped from, like we're Pepe La Pew. That we're fundamentally unpleasant, as though we are at best a guilty pleasure, but more often a chore, like playing with your little brother when you wanted to watch TV instead, and you need to be persuaded, almost coerced into it. It can get to be a pretty hollow victory after a while. If you want to make us happy, keep that in mind.
While it's great to be desired for what we can do for you, it's even better to be plain old wanted for our body, like we want you. Kid in a candy store - oh wow, this is all for ME? Where do I start? Aww yeah, I want some of this over here! Yummy!
It's why we make such a big deal out of you initiating at least some of the time. It's why we make a big deal out of swallowing - it's the opposite of 'oh god I got some on me get it off get it off get it off'. It's why we love it when you snuggle on our chest and absentmindedly swirl your fingers through our chest hair. Or reach down and run your hand down our cock while still in early foreplay, because you just want to touch us because you can.
We love being pampered a little because it means you enjoy pleasing us for its own sake, like you enjoy making your cat purr (this applies even to non-sexual things, too). We love being stroked and kissed and nibbled and nuzzled and generally treated like we taste like chocolate and feel like new socks.
If he's into the whole seduction/dominance thing, that's fine, play the game. But the point is that he's breaking through a shell of inhibition holding back a tide of burning desire, not that he's wearing your reluctance down to apathy. The absolute worst things a man can hear (or pick up on as a vibe) in bed are "oh ffs, very well", or worse, "get on with it, then".
Similarly, one of the absolute biggest turnoffs and buzzkills in existence is a woman getting all ashamed of her body during sexytime. It's horrible; actively unpleasant. It's sudden miserable almost passive-aggressive hell in a time that's meant to be exactly the opposite, like dredging up some chronic fight at the start of what was meant to be a special romantic dinner. We're getting punished for something we didn't do, we don't get to fulfill the desire we do have, or we wouldn't be asking for your body, and you're so utterly wrapped up in yourself it's clear desire for us is absolutely nowhere in sight. It's almost as much fun as a tax audit.
Remember, your body is candy to us. You may find all kinds of flaws in your body, but we don't, and now is not the time to spoil our enjoyment of it. How'd you like it if the waiter took 15 minutes of arguing and complaining about the quality of your meal before he agreed to give it to you, or insisted on smothering it in ketchup so you wouldn't taste how bad it was? Leave that shit at the gym or somewhere, ffs.
Please don't just lie there. Please ask for what you want, or grab what you want and put it where you want it. (don't tell us what you don't want, suggest a replacement and ask for that instead) If what we're doing is fine, then ask us to keep doing it, because what we most desire is to effectively respond to your desires. But by all means, break off being pleasured in order to grab or squeeze or lick or suck or bite or stroke; the idea of you touching us being a source of active pleasure to you is utterly mindblowing.
Get the emotional side down, and the physical side is almost trivial.
Handjobs are easy to get very, very wrong. It looks utterly trivial, just go up and down a lot, but there's a few factors that need to be there for it not to feel absolutely horrible.
If we are in a position where we are doing most of the work and you feel like you aren't doing anything here's a few things you can do. Kiss me on the neck. Run your fingers through our hair. Squeeze my butt. Rub your clitoris if it's going to help. If you do choose to help yourself out a little, reassure the guy. He might feel like he's not doing well enough if you don't say anything. Remember, communicate with your partner.
I'm basing this entirely on years of masturbation; we don't do it like handjobs in porn, which just like any other kind of porn sex, looks better than it is.
First and foremost: Erection and arousal aren't the same thing at all. A freshly-awoken penis can be blue-steel and throbbing, but with very little actual sexual arousal going on. And without arousal present, intense stimulation just isn't enjoyable at all; there's too much sensitivity (like post-orgasm stimulation), and it can also be downright sore to manhandle.
Gently massage and stroke the shaft. Pat, don't tickle. Tickling and feather-light contact is good to light the fire, but you're going for a nice bed of coals here. It might get a bit less hard, but that's not a bad sign. Quite often when we masturbate, we're less than fully erect for the greater part of it - even at the end.
Fucking is boring. Sex is interesting and awesome.
Some of us men love foreplay and want to play. You ladies are just as guilty as some of us men in just jumping to the sex. We like it when you tease and play.
Random gropings make me feel sexy: Grab our ass at the supermarket. Kiss my neck for no reason whatsoever. Sneak up behind me, wrap your arms around me and slide one hand down my pants, while I'm cooking dinner.
If it feels good on you, it probably feels good on me. (eg. Kissing neck, inner thighs, back, etc). Actually, I don't think there's a spot on my body that your mouth or hands can't make feel good.
I don't know about the rest of men but, if I'm hard, please have one part of you touching my cock at all times. I don't mean tugging, rubbing or anything like that, just your hand wrapped around it or leg pushed up against it will do.
Please feel free to make requests. Not only does it let me know what you like but I get the pleasure of fulfilling your request. Quite a few of us men get off on giving our women pleasure. These requests don't even have to be at sexy time, I cooked dinner in just boxer briefs last night at my woman's request. She couldn't keep her hands off me all night, it was HOT! and I felt incredibly sexy (which led to me taking my time, teasing and seducing the hell out of her)
Be confident, don't be insecure. If you think your thighs need a little tightening, that's fine but if I just told you how sexy I find your legs, this is not the time to point out that you don't see them like I do. This is the time to revel in the fact that your man finds yet another part of you to be pure hotness. If you must reply (which is not required) the classy response is "thank you" or compliment me back.
We men like to be complimented and feel sexy too.
When we're just cuddling or laying there or whatever, feel free to touch me, anywhere. Eg. If you just want to put cup your hand around my balls while we snuggle, go for it.
please please please initiate sex or naughty time. We like to feel wanted and sexy as much as you do
Let me know when I'm pleasing you during sex. I don't care if its a simply "you feel so good inside me baby", some steamy dirty talk or you moaning like a porn star.
Don't just lay there!!!!! Do something, anything really. Moan, move, grind, grab my ass or back.
Surprise me with lingerie. Sure it will probably be off in under a minute but I LOVE to unwrap my presents. Randomly decide to vacuum in it, cook me dinner whatever. Lingerie makes everything sexy.
Touch me all the time, all over.
Touch it. I really love it. Balls and around them too.
My ass may or may not be off-limits; ask your guy.
Right after sex, I'll fall asleep. I'm sorry, I know it's stupid. It's very hard to resist doing so; I'm wired to do that.
Play with yourself. I am visual, I love to see you get yourself off.
We want to have sex more often than you can imagine. All the time. Initiating spontaneously is extremely hot.
That we're not the caveman sex machines portrayed in, oooohhh, everything. Sometimes we wouldn't mind just going to bed and having a cuddle.
Lick the damn balls. You know how you ladies always say don't go straight for the clit on concentrate only on the clit? Yeah, our balls are really sensitive and when they get licked it feels incredible. Also, nobody expects you to lick hairy balls, get the guy to shave them.
Mix up the 'usual' by adding something new - my favorite starter? Pop in an ice cube before giving head. It's unexpected and feels great. Exploring little fun things like this can lead to bigger and better things.
Gourmet food is healthier, balanced, subtle flavors. It is something you spend the day anticipating and then recall fondly until the next time you get to go out. It is subtle flavors, ambiance, something to take your time with and linger over. It is an event.